Originally Posted by travelbug
how much older we talking here?
Originally Posted by travelbug
how much older we talking here?
I heard a joke this morning that is kinda applicable to this thread.
"Men are like parking spots.
All the good ones are taken and the rest are too small or handicapped."
Yeah... I highlighted JOKE just to make sure no one tries to get offended. Though, I suppose if one really wanted, one could be offended by the joke.
So place blame on the women then: He cheats because you are not pleasing him in X department. He cheats because you do not meet his standard of beautiful/physical attraction.
So a few questions:
1. You knew what he wanted beforehand and you met that criteria. There was sexual compatibility. But in the middle of the relationship, his criteria changes. He now fancies a certain complexion or a certain body shape that you were not born with. What then? Spend thousands on plastic surgery to fit into his idea of desirable? Change the person you are for ONE man? Oh yeah, that's what we as women are borne to do, right?! ACCOMMODATE?
2. You wrongfully assume that cheating IS avoidable. Many men do not cheat because of incompatibility but for the "fun", "rush", "excitement" of it all. These are chronic cheaters, and there numbers are growing. For these "men" no matter what you do to change your appearance or how good you are in bed, he cheats. Who gets the blame then?
1. To answer ur 1st ?: Of course some men cheat (especially when they're not getting what they want in the bedroom. R u kidding me? It's not the only reason that they cheat but it's, I assume: is a big part of y they cheat) regardless but at the same time if you get with a man who likes nothing about you (let's say he got with you for money etc.) but he gets with you anyways, he's going to cheat. Look at it from that point of view. And yes there are women who willing go under the knife (plastic surgery) just for their man/just to get a man (boob job, butt implants etc). I don't condone any of this but to each its own. I can't stop a woman from doing what she wants (and i'm not saying that you told me to either). All I'm saying is make sure he likes something about you, better yet all of you and maybe he wouldn't cheat. Not all men cheat.
2. To answer your 2nd ?. You are right I am assuming. And at the same time you are wrong to say that I am wrongfully assuming (the above comment). You're wrong because 'who are you to say that a man wouldcheat (4 sure) if he was to find someone he had a serious connection (physical, mental, emotional etc) . I CAN ONLY ASSUME THESE THINGS. Are you a 'every man' to answer that question? I am assuming and that's all I can do. When a person (I'll use myself as an example).....When I get in a relationship, nothing is for sure, nothing is 100%. I'm assuming all will go well, I'm assuming that the connection that I have with the person is genuine (I know that it is on my side - but for him I can never be too sure, I can only assume: only time will and can tell). No one goes into a relationship thinking that their man/woman is going to cheat. And I'll direct the following question to you. Do you go into a relationship thinking/knowing that the other person is going to cheat on you?
Like attracts like, a universal law.Focus on youself, the person you are and would like to be. Send your wish out to the unuverse and wait for your soulmate to appear. But remember you need to reflect all the things you wish for in another. Good luck. Yes, there are some very decent men with integrity, love, passion, humour etc in TT, they will gradually appear to you.
I myself would never date a Trinidadian man, they are macho and self-centered. Full of B.S. and small talk. I gave up on them a long long long time ago.
The general view men have of women in Trinidad is that we are there to please them and for their pleasure only.
I think some may say it's unfair to group all men into a certain category, but I believe that the society in which one is raised has a lot to do with one's perception of things, and in the Caribbean Islands particularly, women are not taken seriously and not treated with respect.
Even though we may be more ambitious and hard working than most men on the island we will not be regarded as equals and will never be recognized for our contribution to Trinidadian society.
I think Trinidadian men are threatened by the new strong, independent Trini Woman, and they just plain out don't know how to treat a woman. Most of them don't know what honesty is and and what being faithful is, and that is soooo sad.
I've been approached by many an Island man before trying to "mamaguy" with sweet words, only to find out that they are already in relationships. Then they throw you the " well we can still be frens " line..... yeah...right...you know what they mean there.....sex friends ! No thank you. Even if you tell them you're in a relationship they don't care, they press on.
While some may argue that all men are like this, the occurrence seems to be more frequent with men from the Caribbean. No respect for women or relationships at all. Just a bunch of baby makers and woman leavers... . I believe that the Trinidadian Male is responsible in a big way for the decay in Trinidadian society and the recent wave of crimes because if they were good role models for their sons and made an effort to help raise their children instead of leaving everything up to the mothers, they would produce better Trini men...so the future of Trini men looks even worse !
I'm in a relationship for 5 years now with someone who is not a Trini man and I've never been happier.
you don't say :roll:
True. I still waiting for mine to appear. :mrgreen:Originally Posted by gaia
And you're right, there are decent men in Trini. I know quite a few of them: my father, my uncles, my cousins, my brother-in-law, my friends and my ex-bf.
So I still have hope to find a good guy in my homeland.
If you walk around expecting a certain caliber of person, you will eventually draw that type to yourself. You may not realize it, but in how you might react to situations and treat people, you will eventually drive away one type and attract another type.
This of course goes both ways. It is also related to the phenomenon of the self fulfilling prophecy. Our expectations help shape how we present ourselves and how we handle situations. This in turn makes what we are thinking will happen, more likely to happen.
Just something to think about.
Reminder to self: TTO is not the place to discuss differences in an intelligent manner.
SIRIUS my friend, when yuh say "THIS OF COURSE GOES BOTH WAYS", are you referring to a homosexual relationship ?Originally Posted by Sirius
If you say what you think, don't expect to hear only what you like.
Some men change their party for the sake of their principles, others change their principles for the sake of the party..
marsha saidYou stated some truth but from my own POV, you appear to be pointing to a certain class or type of Trini male, to wit, the type with no broughtupsy, no anything and the one people FEAR.I believe that the Trinidadian Male is responsible in a big way for the decay in Trinidadian society and the recent wave of crimes because if they were good role models for their sons and made an effort to help raise their children instead of leaving everything up to the mothers, they would produce better Trini men...so the future of Trini men looks even worse !
Je suis d'accord!
Trinidad is a very sick country.
I'm in a relationship for 10 years now with someone who is a Trini man and I've never been happier.Originally Posted by marshaoz
There are lots of waste of time Trini men but there are also those who are real gentlemen.
Love is difficult to give away...
It just keeps coming back.
To the ones who found good Trini men, I'm glad, but then again, you've just depleted the population yet again!!! I've been noticing, even the so called good ones aren't exempt. I think everywhere and every culture (most of them) tey don't see cheating as highly immoral anymore. They more or less either shrug it off, or they simply say, he/she was in a bad situation or wasnt happy or fulfilled etc. Whatever happened to telling the person you're with, 'Aye yuh friggin annoyin meh! Either get the heck out or deal with whatever is going on'?
As opposed to pleasing them for someone else's pleasure ? :?Originally Posted by marshaoz
"A true friend is one who knows all about you, and still likes you.".
When are you going to stop generalizing? :|I've been noticing, even the so called good ones aren't exempt. I think everywhere and every culture (most of them) tey don't see cheating as highly immoral anymore.
When are you going to realize that this is in fact a GENERAL topic, free for anyone of differing views. If you don't agree say so, otherwise it's free for anyone to state their opinion.
travelbug, you are not getting it then I won't bother to explain again what others have said in this thread. Maybe with time, experience will help you understand. All the best.
I don't know about the now-a-day Trinidadian men, I live in the States and I hardly come
in contact with any of them, and if I do it is a family man or in a relationship, but I think
natives will always prefer to date their own for marriage purposes, I have seen almost all times
where there are culture clashes, with marriages of different backgrounds and divorces,
it comes right down to culture, but I will say even though Trinidadian men can be arrogant
and Irate and let's not forget unfaithful they are more compatible with native Trinidadians. Like
everything else there's good and bad in all people, it's your approach to life and love that will
bring you what you desire out of life with any nationality, even native Trinidadians.
Reading through the comments that have been posted on this topic,I must say with utmost truth that most of those who have complained or experienced deceit or immaturity with any man be it a Trini or any other do possess one personal trait that is common in both men and women,and that is their failure to listen to the spoken word during conversation.It may sound silly or not factual but often failure to listen or not being a good listener is the downfall in any preintended or actual relationship.
Originally Posted by Falcon
Look ah rite here............ ::
I was branded a racist publicly by one person but I am sure people branded me a racist otherwise.
I still don't see the big deal if someone has a preference for a specific race. If the person who started this thread don't like Trini men or don't date them, well what's the big deal? If person X likes a white or black person as their partner and preference, whats the big deal? Whoever you like, you like, aint no big deal to it.
Thing is, I would actually prefer to date and eventually marry a Trini male, but my problem is the one I've stated. I don't see how most of them warrant my trust. I've given some of them chances and even the ones I happen to think are genuinely decent men, still have shown me that they are in essence somewhat the same.
I do agree that one person's preference is their own right. Acceptance is something most people aren't capable of, whereas they are quick to judge.
*sigh* Travelbug, your post should read:I don't see how most of them warrant my trust.
I don't see how most of the ones I know personally warrant my trust. And no, it it not obvious when you are speaking about "most" Trini men.
my post will be read how I chose to write it. end of discussion.