Secrets and Lies

[letric]

A surprising number of people with diabetes keep their condition a secret. But it is good to talk - keeping things to yourself can affect your psychological and well being. Here is a person who hid her diabetes from her husband family....

I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 13. Despite there being no history of diabetes in my family, my parents were really on the case - they spotted thje usual symptoms straight away and did all they could to find out more about the condition. My mum and dad were really supportive from the start and encouraged me to very open about my diabetes, but it was my choice to be more discreet at school. I felt it was quite a personal condition, and their was fair lack of knowledge about diabetes in those days - people still believed it was related to how much sugar I ate. However, as I got older, I felt it was important to be honest about my diabetes, particularly with HR departments. I would have been near impossible to hide it, as I had to attend so many health appointments. It is not always been easy being open about it though, and I have often received snide comments from colleagues, such as 'Off for a pedicure are we?', when I have attended my regular podiatrist appointments.

Are you able to to talk openly about your diabetes or not? Tell your story at balance@diabetes.org.uk
Diabetes UK is committed to meeting the needs of people of Black, Asian ansd other minority ethnic (BAME) communities living in the UK, and provides core information in 20 different languages.
diabeteslifestyle@diabetes.org.uk

[letric]

The secrecy starts

I met and fell in love with Daleep and we married in 2008. he has always been very supportive of
my diabetes but insistent from the very beginning that we should not tell his family about it, despite the fact
that both his parents have Type 2. Initially, Daleep said he did not want people to gossip about my
diabetes, but when I questioned why this would be the case, it all came tumbling out. My husband comes
from a South Asian family, and he explained that there seems to be a stigma attached to people with diabetes
within this community. A girl (or boy) with diabetes is not seen as a potential candidate for marriage. I
know of one girl who is not able to get a successful match for marriage because each time her parents tell
the boy's parents she has diabetes, they pull out - even if the arrangement is imminent. It is now accepted
that it is unlikely that she will ever get married. I think this stigma stems from the fact that health-care is
not state provided in India, and a woman traditionally supported by her father, then her husband, then her
son throughout her life. When a girl gets married, she leaves her own family to live with her husband and his
parents. The cost to maintain a medical condition such as diabetes would be too much for a poor family.
Therefore, a young, strong girl with no health problems is the preferred choice.

All the money raised during Diabetes Week wil be used to expand the Diabetes UK Careline - a vital
service providing information and emotional support to anyone whose life is affected by diabetes.
careline@diabetes.org.uk

[letric]

The truth is hard to hide

Daleep and I had two weddings - one in the UK and one with his family in India. I was very
nervous about the wedding in India; I knew a lot of fastings normally take place, and I was
wondering how I could test myself and keep my blood glucose levels stable. At the event we
also had to undergo a traditional custom where the wife is tied to her husband with a scarf for
quite a long time. This meant I could not go to the toilet to test, and as a result my blood
glucose levels were high. It was inconvenient and frankly quite dangerous to keep my diabetes
a secret at the wedding, and I did not see why I should feel ashamed of my condition. I gave
Daleep quite a hard time about it. We had already experienced quite a few problems regarding
our cultural differences and my diabetes seemed to be just another barrier. I pointed out how
a sugar level of 20 mmol/1 on our wedding night (which is different in our culture - bride and
groom sleep apart on the first night) was not an ideal way to start our marriage. What if I'd
developed ketoacidosis and ended up in hospital in Mumbai? Everybody would have found out
then. I had an HbAIc of 62 mmol/mol(7.8 percent). the highest it had ever been after the Indian
wedding trip. It all seemed so unnecessary.

Why should I have to keep my diabetes a secret in my own home?

Diabetes UK produces a wide range of information to support people
living with diabetes throught out their lives.

www.diabetes.org.uk/guide -to-diabetes.

[guyguy]

Why in the world would would anyone be secretive about being diabetic? It is very important to let everyone know, especially your family such as your children. This information is crucial to them since they can be on the lookout for symptoms that they may develop at an early stage and take preventive measures. It is also important to let your co-workers know too in the event that you become so hypoglycemic that you faint, or worse, fall into a diabetic coma. If this were to occur, then the physicians would immediately know how to treat you. Ignorance and vanity or being ashamed of such a widespread condition is no excuse for hiding the fact that you are diabetic.

[letric]

Daleep says ...

It will be difficult to change the mindset of people in India, who struggle just to get food.
It is a lot easier here in the UK, because if you have a condition, the Government, through the
NHS, will take care of it, as opposed to your dad or your husband having to do it. There is a thing
in India about having a closed society. There is a big culture of gossip about families. Nobody
likes their neighbours to know their business. It is not about just about diabetes, it is about
any medical condition. People think if you have a medical condition, you are not 100 per cent
healthy

Find out more at www.diabetes.org.uk/diabetes-question-time

[letric]

Not the hoped-for response

I think Daleep felt ashamed once he realised how much the burden of hiding my diabetes affected
me, both medically and emotionally. To be fair to him, I do not think he'd fully realised the potential
consequences. He saw me as a healthy normal person who took diabetes in her stride. So he probably
thought that hiding it would be no big deal as long as my insulin was kept cool. In August 2009, Daleep's
parents came over to England to visit and we attended an Indian function. Daleep really wanted me to wear
a sari for the occasion, which I was happy to do, but it meant I had to clip my insulin pump to my thigh
to hide it. I was so unhappy about this and hated the fact that while my parents stayed over I had to go
to the toilet to test. Why should I keep my diabetes a secret in my own home? Finally, last year Daleep
agreed to tell his mum that I have diabetes. She is the chef of the family, so telling her was more was
more important than telling his dad in regards to food, eating times, etc. She immediately responded:
'Don't tell anyone about this, especially not my husband'. I told her I wasn't ashamed of my diabetes,
but she was adamant that no one was to find out. Daleep's mum feels that her husband would worry even
more than he does now about me/my husband, and that he has enough to worry about with his own health.
But I think the overriding emotion is one of shame. What makes the secrecy particularly had is that Daleep's
dad is really open about his Type 2. I often find myself giving him advice on how to manage his diabetes, as
there's a lot of confusion about the condition among my in-laws, for instance they are not really aware of the
healthy foods needed for a healthy lifestyle. He has not cottoned to why I know so much. Not being able to
talk about my diabetes to my husband's family has really impacted on my health. Mostly, the impact has been
psychological - the stress and frustration at not being able to be true tom those around me. It's put quite a
strain on my marriage, too. Much is made in Daleep's culture about a woman becoming part of a new family on
getting married (although I do not believe I have left my own).Therefore, it feels so ironic that I still cannot be
myself with them them, warts and all (ie diabetes). It makes me feel less worthy as a person, even though it
shouldn't, and that angers me. We are currently undergoing IVF treatment to have a baby and I'm worried
about I will cope, as this will mean my husband's parents will visit us a lot more. Daleep and I having children
was another of my mother-in-law's concerns - she thought it was a foregone conclusion that our baby would be
born with a birth defect or have diabetes as well. She said things like: "But then people will know there is
diabetes in the family". I was so upset by her reaction; I wanted her to be more supportive and to ask how
they could help. I know our baby will be at an increased risk of having diabetes or being born with a defect,
but if this happens, I am sure I will cope. However, it will be made much harder if I have to keep my diabetes
a secret when his parents visits us frequently.

I feel strongly that all people should be able to speak freely about their diabetes.

[letric]

[QUOTE=letric;315970]Not the hoped-for response



I feel strongly that all people should be able to speak freely about their diabetes.

[letric]

The guilt of deception

I don't see why I should keep my diabetes a secret, but I've hidden it from Daleep's family for around
five years now, so it's harder to 'come out'. If I told his dad now, there would be a natural reaction to having
been deceived for so long. But then the deception alone is another reason why this 'guilty secret' is bad, and
I actually think that Daleep's dad would understand more than my husband and mother-in-law realise. The
other people who are close and should find out is Daleep's sister and her husband. She's medically trained,
with a PhD in heart disease research, so she should understand more about it. I suspect my husband is hoping
that his dad never finds out and that the secret 'outlives' him (He's 44 years older than his wife). I'd prefer to
tell the family about my diabetes after, all being well, our IVF is successful and we have children. I feel strongly
that cultural barriers should be broken down and that all people should be able to speak freely about their diabetes. Hopefully, as awareness's and understanding of diabetes increases over time, the need for people like myself to hide their condition will lessen and eventually disappear.

*Sarah and Daleep are fictitious names, but this story is very real.

To find out more and get involved visit www.diabetics.org.uk/diabeticweek and see @News'.

Today Is World Diabetic Day.

[letric]

Now one of society's biggest threats, traditionally the opium poppy has been regarded as medicine,
yielding the painkillers morphine and codeine, and also the paregoric used to check diarrhoea.
Morphine was commonly taken in the interval of a theatre visit to heighten the enjoyment, much
as the modern audience heads for the bar. Heroin was discovered in 1898 and was originally
considered a cure for other addictions, and in some countries even today the possession of opium
carries the death penalty. Opium smoking in China began around 1500 and in the 19th century was
unscrupulously exploited to gain by the British who wanted to balance their eastern imports and
poured opium from their Indian empire into China.

[SocaSim]

Why in the world would would anyone be secretive about being diabetic? It is very important to let everyone know, especially your family such as your children. This information is crucial to them since they can be on the lookout for symptoms that they may develop at an early stage and take preventive measures. It is also important to let your co-workers know too in the event that you become so hypoglycemic that you faint, or worse, fall into a diabetic coma. If this were to occur, then the physicians would immediately know how to treat you. Ignorance and vanity or being ashamed of such a widespread condition is no excuse for hiding the fact that you are diabetic.

GuyGuy...totally well said....I agree with you 300% percent. However, I have to say, I understand somewhst with her decision. Now as for her family, yes, she should be open and honest with them, as for the workplace, these days you have to be careful on how you expose your health ailments because employers will use that against you event though it's illegal and totally wrong but they are picking out the most physically fit, meaning if you are overweight, you are a risk to hire, if you have too many children, you are a risk to hire becuase they feel you will be calling out with childcare issue. If you have a health ailments like Diabetes, RA, or other health issues and you make it known, this can also cost you the job or promotion becuase they look at you as damages goods or a financial liability. It's unfortunate, it WRONG, but it very real and is being practiced heavily in the workplace. As a Career Advisor, I've seen it practiced, as a person living with Rheumatoid Arthitis I've been viewed differently once it was revealed, so again, I do understand her point of view.

[SocaSim]

[QUOTE=letric;315972]

Not the hoped-for response



I feel strongly that all people should be able to speak freely about their diabetes.

Yes my dear, that wish can go along with the color of our skins stop being such a big threat towards others...

Can weeee wiiishh appoonnnddddddd aaaaa ssttaarrrrrrrr........................