Hindu wedding

[Solachica]

For those familiar with the religious aspects of the Hindu wedding maybe you can help me answer a question.
A few yrs ago the sister of my friend was getting married in a hindu ceremony with the 3 days etc.
She was pregnant at the time maybe 1-2mths. A relative of mine had commented tht its not good to get married under all the hindu rites becos it wud be tht the unborn child is marrying or something so. I did not quite understand wht they were saying or meaning.
A few mths ago another gurl I know who was pregnant got married under full hindu rites with the 3days etc. And the relative again made this comment.

So I was wondering is it just superstition or there is really some sorta belief in this?

[Sumana]

is weird, when ppl get married under those circumstances, cos one of the ceremonies is the parents worshipping the daughter as a Goddess....and a virgin..but I digress lol

[Solachica]

:lol:
Oh gosh gurl thts a whole new take on it to.
But I really wanted to know if wht those older people were saying has anything to do with the rituals etc and any truth in it.
And yes you pointed out one part of the ceremony there.

[dhal]

im really not sure...but i will say that there is a very very very thin line between religion and tradition eh...ill see what i can find out without meh aunts dem watchin meh funny lol

[brag]

Never heard of it.

[Solachica]

Ok.
But as Sumana was saying wount taking part in tht ritual be wrong?

[vaio]

i've heard that it is wrong....esp when you are pregnant...they say it cld have repercusions for the unborn child...so no pundit wld ever do it while the girl is pregnant....even the sindoor is left out....do you remember if they did the sindoor bit??

a lot of things are traditions as opposed to religious....and sometimes as my guru wld put it....we continue to do things just because our elders taught us so....and there is no practical reason....

[brag]

It probably is a cultural way of discouraging premarital sex, hence the emphasis on all the related taboos which in Indian culture can be of any origin, social as well as religious. It can be argued that the infant can be the bearer of all the faulty wiring that comes with guilt. I am only guessing.

[Solachica]

I agree with your guru vaio.
We probably take a lot of tradition and mix it with religion.

I was thinking abt wht they said and maybe they meant the child in the woman wud be marrying the groom in the ceremony? Can't say the father becos the groom doesn't have to be the father.

In the 1st wedding the girl did wear the sindoor. Am sure the pundit didn't know she was pregnant becos only her immediate family knew she was pregnant and it was just 1-2 month so she wasn't showing.
For the 2nd wedding I don't know if she wore sindoor. I didn't go.

At least you heard abt this to vaio. I was wondering if it was just the people who I know does be saying this.

[sapodila]

Begs the question..... "Where is Kanyah in the Kanyadhan?" ..... Sumi has the answer.



is weird, when ppl get married under those circumstances, cos one of the ceremonies is the parents worshipping the daughter as a Goddess....and a virgin..but I digress lol

These days they putting the horse before the cart.... and blinding the driver too.

[draja]

Typical Trini Hindu Wedding:

http://www.trinidadweddings.com/hindu.asp

[draja]

Trini weddings on YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw6e_x1mWXs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvDoXQawulY

[serenity]

I heard that a three day wedding cant be done if u not a virgin...I think bec half the ceremonies would not apply. I also heard that in such cases, u do a 'table' wedding ie u cant be seated with your non-virgin self on the earth, so u sit at a table. And participating in a marriage ceremony while pregnant makes the child a part of the vows which is also wrong...is like the child going around the fire too. So when the girl pregnant there's a shorter ceremony which is more like a blessing of the union (that clearly done take place :lol: )

I eh know how much of all that is true.

[vaio]

I agree with your guru vaio.
We probably take a lot of tradition and mix it with religion.

I was thinking abt wht they said and maybe they meant the child in the woman wud be marrying the groom in the ceremony? Can't say the father becos the groom doesn't have to be the father.

In the 1st wedding the girl did wear the sindoor. Am sure the pundit didn't know she was pregnant becos only her immediate family knew she was pregnant and it was just 1-2 month so she wasn't showing.
For the 2nd wedding I don't know if she wore sindoor. I didn't go.

At least you heard abt this to vaio. I was wondering if it was just the people who I know does be saying this.

i think a lot of ppl know abt this....cause you hear it at most hindu weddings, when there is a suspected pregnancy...sometimes it does not even be true...lol....

Does anyone know where in the hindu scriptures say that you have to be a virgin to do a hindu ceremony....just asking....

[sapodila]

Does anyone know where in the hindu scriptures say that you have to be a virgin to do a hindu ceremony....just asking....[/quote]
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The Dharamshastras speaks about "Kanyadhan" were the bride's parents has to give the Groom a "gift". That "gift" is THE VIRGIN BRIDE in marriage.

[vaio]

thanks sap...now i can tell ppl where to look.... ;)

[sapodila]

THE CHANGING FACE OF HINDU MARRIAGE
By BASANT KUMAR SINGH 28/04/2005

THE AIM OF THIS ARTICLE IS TO ANALYSE THE CHANGING NATURE OF THE HINDU MARRIAGE IN INDIA.

I.Introduction

Institution of Hindu marriage has been very strong from very beginning and there is no reference of promiscus society in Veda. Marriage has been considered as an indissoluble union between a man and women not only during this life but also for all lives to come. Marriage of a Hindu couple is not only a union of a man and women but is considered as a sacrament. Marriage has been placed one of the sixteen samskara of a Hindu. Samskara is a socio religious rites by performance of which life of present Hindu is sanctified . In Grahsutra, Vivaha is referred as one of the most important of all samskara. Marriage was a sacrament, which brought about a "union of two personalities into one for the purpose of the continuance of the society and for uplift of the two by self restraint, by self sacrifice and mutual cooperation . According to the Vedas marriage is a union of "bones with bones, flesh with flesh and skin with skin, the husband and wife become as they were one person . In Hindu society marriage was not only a samskara to be performed but also a religious duty of a Hindu towards his father, family and society to fulfill certain purposes. Reference to Veda {Rig.X.85.360}, Brahmanas {Sat.V.2} and Dharamshastras reveals following three purposes of marriage under Hindu jurisprudence:
1.Dharma sampatti {perform religious rites}
2.Praja sampatti {for son to save the father from hell}
3.Rati palam {sexual and other pleasure).
It is perfectly true to laid down that with the Hindu, the Greek, and the Romans marriages was a religious was a religious duty, as man alike his ancestor and himself .

II.Ceremonies of marriage

Marriage being a samskara was performed by certain ceremonies some of which were essential for valid marriage. Some of the important ceremonies were following:
• Virdi Sarda: On the day of marriage the father of the bride used to perform this in the honour of his ancestor. However it was not an essential ceremony .
• Sampradana: When the bridegroom arrived at the house of the bride, he was ceremoniously received by the bride family. In this ceremony he was offered with padya i.e. water for washing the feet, arghya i.e.water mixed with flowers, dhruva grass, rice and sandal paste for washing the head, a cushion to sit upon and madhuparkha : This was to be performed with chanting mantra.
• Kanyadana: In this ceremony the father of the bride formally give the bride to the bridegroom and the bridegroom accept the bride with the recitation of the hymn from Kamasukta .
• Panigrahana: In this ceremony the hand of the bride is accepted by the bridegroom with utterance of the mantra from Rig Veda:"I take hold of the hand for happiness" .
• Agni-Parnayana: The ceremony of Panigrahanais followed by Agni-parnayana.In this ceremony the sacred fire is kindled and oblation are made. Thebridegroom takes the hand of the bride and she steps on a stone; the bridegroom leads the bride round the fire thrice chanting mantra .
• Laja-homa: In this ceremony some fried grains and butter are poured in the joined hand of the bride by the mother or brother or by somebody representing the brother, which she poured in the fire and rest of the havis is to be poured by the bridegroom, reciting mantras. Then the bride is made to loosen the two lock of her hair, and then the groom pours vermilion .
• Saptapdi: After Laja-homa, the most important rites of Hindu marriage i.e. Saptapdi is performed. IN this ceremony the bridegroom leads the bride seven steps in the northeast direction chanting a mantra from Manu Smriti . The priest sprinkles the water on the head of the bride and groom from the water jar. Then the bride and groom make a prayer:
"May water r and all goods clean our hearts.
May air do so, may creators do so,
May the divine instructress unite our hearts” .
After completion of the Saptapdi the marriage becomes complete and irrevocable and the wife passes into the gotra of the husband. After the completion of the marriage the bride was supposed to live with the bridegroom family. The bride would become a kind of apprentice-trainee under the guidance and the authority of the mother-in-law. After some time the bride become the part of her husband family and acquire a new status.

[vaio]

that is such beautiful information.....thanx sap...i'm sure a lot of ppl willl fine it useful...

[sapodila]

that is such beautiful information.....thanx sap...i'm sure a lot of ppl willl fine it useful...
............and I hope a lot of us will keep it close before "Kanyadhan" :D . You see..... the biggest "Dhan" parents can give is NOT A COW.... but a VIRTUEOUS DAUGHTER in marriage! Daughters too have a very important role to play in regards to their parents. Bringing home a university degree today is a privilege given by the parents to that daughter. That daughter should remember how fortunate she is and be very thankful to her parents. That daughter should live a virtuous life and help her parents accomplish the blessings of giving that great Dhan... her.. to the right man for ever and ever and ever. These days... some parents has no choice but to succumb to the former.

[vaio]

i've seen the giving of the cow..... :|

[sapodila]

It is a beautiful ceremony... ent? Look at how they bathe, dress, perform pooja and feed that Cow... before crossing her over .....to the other side. That's giving Dhan. ...just like giving "Kanya" ( the virgin bride) in the form of "Dhan" to the groom (the other side). These are blessings to help in accquiring eternal bliss.

Nice Thread... who started this......Oh! Sola! Meh home gyul! :)

[vaio]

yep beautiful ceremony....

i love hindu weddings.....its sentiments and meanings...although i must admit i don't know all the meanings...heck i love weddings in general....

[brag]

I prefer Hindu weddings in the home. I am not fond of those "show type" wedding affairs in halls and hotels and all those speeches.

[vaio]

i like at home or at the mandir.....

[Solachica]

I like Hindu weddings and its even better when you understand the why of each ritual.

Thanks sapodila for all tht info. Was very intresting reading. :)

I haven't seen the cow given before. But how many parents wud know if their daughter is virgin or not. :lol:

Oh gosh when people have table wedding the guests mustbe saying the bride pregnant. :lol:

[Mivo]

Sola you are funny, but some of what you said makes alot sense eh

[vaio]

Oh gosh when people have table wedding the guests mustbe saying the bride pregnant. :lol:

hehehe....never thought of that....

[Solachica]

How weddings does happen nowdays in a lot of cases the bride already pregnant. So becos of this the 1st thing people thinking is shot gun wedding.
A co worker got married 1.5 yrs ago and when he was inviting other coworkers many of them the 1st thing tht fly out their mouth is 'is shot gun wedding or wht?'
A next friend he was supposed to get married in Dec so next thing u know he call me up a saturday to tell me tht come by him tmrw he having a lil lime. I went to the lime next day Sunday and turns out it was wedding reception. Wedding get brought 3mths up becos gurl pregnant.

[sapodila]

Some Hindu sec like the Aryans, do have table weddings. The bride may not be pregnant. I love Hindu weddings at home or at the Mandir. Halls and hotels are not places for the Hindu wedding.

Lets hope that these daughters live with a conscienceous........ hiding from their parents and their future husband.... if not the child father.

I expected a lot more of you folks, in general, to contribute to this thread. I am a bit disappointed.

[Solachica]

:mrgreen:
Thats ok. Doh study them :?

[serenity]

Saps, ah lil confused. If u arent a virgin your parents have to give the groom a cow instead? or is the cow ceremony something else entirely. Ah never see a cow at a wedding. :?

And how important ar ethe Friday and Sat night ceremonies?
I want a Sunday wedding in meh puja room home.And ppl does still do the whole drama of no sex till Wed? Whats the point of that if yuh done married already?

[Sumana]

Afaik, you still have on the kangan till Wednes, that's something religious hence you should still be fasting.

[serenity]

Oh ho. That go be some real stress dey boy. Married and yuh still cyah do it.
Btw, whats the kangan?

[Sumana]

the yellow piece of cloth u tie around ur hand when u gettin married with some thing in it...not sure of the details

[Solachica]

:D Doh mind the people business...me ent hear anyone say they waiting till after Wednesday :lol:

[vaio]

sola....ppl does have it removed before...now

[Solachica]

Yea I know gurl. Few yrs ago my friend got married and had hers removed day after becos they were going on Honeymoon.
Guess people dont stick to tradition anymore nowdays. Tht same friend had the wedding cermony at the guys house since by her didnt have space...this was a Hindu wedding.

[Solachica]

My male friends saythe gurl does go home Wednesday to give it a rest :roll: :roll: :?

[vaio]

^^ lol..typical guys :roll:

[sapodila]

Saps, ah lil confused. If u arent a virgin your parents have to give the groom a cow instead? or is the cow ceremony something else entirely. Ah never see a cow at a wedding. :?

And how important ar ethe Friday and Sat night ceremonies?
I want a Sunday wedding in meh puja room home.And ppl does still do the whole drama of no sex till Wed? Whats the point of that if yuh done married already?

Parents live for giving the their daughters in marriage to the worthy groom. That's the biggest 'Dhan' they can give. They are cheated of that IF their daughter is promiscuous. They resort to give the 'virgin calf cow' as Dhan. How they know the cow is ah virgin? They raise the cow them self or the respectable honest farmer, tells them so. The cow is never at the wedding unless it in the pen / cow shed :) .

Friday / Saturday night is all in the festivities of the wedding that taking place. You have Tilak the week before, dais wen the grooms parents does bring all dem presents and jewelry and metai etc. Then is the Hardi/ Mehndi ceremony/. Then is the Laawaa and the ceremony down by the river... .then is more Laawaa before the wedding actually takes place.

Seren don't be so selfish. It have people who love yuh, who want yuh to be happy in love and marriage, who wants to see you get the right man and witness yuh wedding. Yuh and the man alone go stand before God in front of your Altar, in yuh Pooja room and put on sindoor and say ' now we is man and wife"? pleaseeee! Ah telling yuh yuh go regret not doing it with yuh family when you start having children.

About the abstainance part........yuh wait the whole time.... what is a couple days more , after yuh Maa bury the kangan ( that scared string with the lil pen-knife the pundit tie with Mantras, on the wrist of both Bride and Groom which is too protect them from all evils during the wedding process) by the river and yuh free to go with your husband and enjoy each other ?

[serenity]

saps is like the big sister ah never had...complete with buff.. :)

Ah jus find a wedding does cost so much. And most of the ppl attending it doh even know u. And who does pay attention to the ceremony? Half does be eating or drinking from dey car drunks by the road. And the other half does be catching up on gossip and long time no see family.
A small wedding with a chosen few doh sound good? I attended one such wedding at the Temple by the Sea and there were a maximum of 50 ppl and it was beautiful.

[brag]

Read the internet presentations on the Gayatri Mantra for health, wealth and happiness. This mantra is really beyond what most of us know it to be. I really had no idea, but I guess where you are at any given time is where you are. Western scientists are now studying and researching it for its potencies. A western scientist says it should be written on the door of every home as a reminder of its value and potency for one's transformation into happiness, one of the goals of life.

[Sumana]

Saps, ah lil confused. If u arent a virgin your parents have to give the groom a cow instead? or is the cow ceremony something else entirely. Ah never see a cow at a wedding. :?

And how important ar ethe Friday and Sat night ceremonies?
I want a Sunday wedding in meh puja room home.And ppl does still do the whole drama of no sex till Wed? Whats the point of that if yuh done married already?

Parents live for giving the their daughters in marriage to the worthy groom. That's the biggest 'Dhan' they can give. They are cheated of that IF their daughter is promiscuous. They resort to give the 'virgin calf cow' as Dhan. How they know the cow is ah virgin? They raise the cow them self or the respectable honest farmer, tells them so. The cow is never at the wedding unless it in the pen / cow shed :) .

Friday / Saturday night is all in the festivities of the wedding that taking place. You have Tilak the week before, dais wen the grooms parents does bring all dem presents and jewelry and metai etc. Then is the Hardi/ Mehndi ceremony/. Then is the Laawaa and the ceremony down by the river... .then is more Laawaa before the wedding actually takes place.

Seren don't be so selfish. It have people who love yuh, who want yuh to be happy in love and marriage, who wants to see you get the right man and witness yuh wedding. Yuh and the man alone go stand before God in front of your Altar, in yuh Pooja room and put on sindoor and say ' now we is man and wife"? pleaseeee! Ah telling yuh yuh go regret not doing it with yuh family when you start having children.

About the abstainance part........yuh wait the whole time.... what is a couple days more , after yuh Maa bury the kangan ( that scared string with the lil pen-knife the pundit tie with Mantras, on the wrist of both Bride and Groom which is too protect them from all evils during the wedding process) by the river and yuh free to go with your husband and enjoy each other ?


I feeling like I shud call you aunty now yes :| :| :| :|
But yeah the whole abstaining thing, the problem is some people don't abstain so they don't take that on. I had a conversation about the abstaining thing with my current interest, and I told him exactly that part about the wedding where your parents worship you and I was like it'll be a mockery of that entire part not to abstain and then still go and do that.

[Solachica]

jus find a wedding does cost so much. And most of the ppl attending it doh even know u.

I find so too....and alot of the people attending the bride and groom dont know either

[sapodila]

Seren gyul...........now yuh talking my language! Small, chosen few ... sweet.... and dat Serene atmospheric place... better yet! The buff .... well dey say what yuh get, does make yuh learn rite? An ah get plenty! :D I am fortunate to have a big sis whom I love dearly.... doh mind sometimes ah does look fuh buff she self too :lol:

Sumi ....you sweet for so! Tell him like it is. No hand in the pants until ring in finger and Kangan buried! You will make your parents proud. Right now ah could hug and kiss dem and tell dem what a great undertaking they have done in raising a child like you...........If you were up to 15 years old then yuh couldda call me 'aunty'.... I could be your big sister :lol:

[serenity]

Saps didi, ah have another question. Is true that old women have tuh bathe yuh down before the wedding? And if its true, could that part be skipped?

[sapodila]

Yuh see that part???????? I eh know about! I guess that would happen if you were ah lil lil gyul and they doing de khanyadhan whilst yuh still would have to live in your parents house.

[vaio]

i got bathe by them old women....but they were my mom and aunties...i cld not object... :|

[sapodila]

Good fuh you Vaio.........I always hidding in ah corner since I was 9 yrs old. Sorry! No access! Even with these rituals. Seren.... There are times when I DO draw the line :lol:

[vaio]

saps....is like you don't have much of a say when everything happening...they rub me wid soo much saffron....my red hair turned yellow... :shock: ...and my french tips ..also yellow....

then i went to the bathroom and they bathe me wid dahee (sp)/milk.....and they want to touch meh all over.....but i ent let them touch me nah....they just pour the stuff and rub meh hair..i did the rest....

[serenity]

I ent too sure how ah going to do all this drama nuh.
But if Saps didi didnt do it then I dont have to do it either! :lol:

Meh mother going to ask me who the hell is this Saps person. :lol:

[vaio]

seren...if your mother very traditional.....then she may want it to happen ....if not then you may get your wish....

tell yuh mother that saps say it ent compulsory. :D

[serenity]

My mother is a half spanish woman raised in a non traditional environment. Thats why even though we're all hindu, we know the religious stuff but not so much the cultural stuff.

[snowbird]

Thanks sapodila very informative indeed, I'll save it so that in future whenever the non-indo relatives gets invited to a Hindu wedding they know exactly what it's all about.

One question though....... with regard to the belief of the lives being joined both for this world and the hereafter; does that mean that if a Hindu bride or groom looses a spouse prematurely, they cannot re-marry? How does this work?

[Solachica]

Concerning the bathing with the milk.....from wht I saw a couple of times, the bride or groom just sat where the milk cud be poured over them and the ritual wud be done. Is not like the women wud want to wash them all over. The bride and groom then went and bathe themselves after. But cud be different in different families.

vaio you had a traditional hindu wedding? :?

[Solachica]

and whts the deal with a hindu ceremony and then changing into a wedding dress?
if I get married is no wedding dress for me....I never had dreams of a wedding dress :?
I saw some lovely matching outfits for the bride and groom to change into as a departing/reception outfit :D Even a white garara :D
Dem bridal outfits does be heavy oui :o and in Trini they ripping people off with the prices :roll:

[vaio]

Concerning the bathing with the milk.....from wht I saw a couple of times, the bride or groom just sat where the milk cud be poured over them and the ritual wud be done. Is not like the women wud want to wash them all over. The bride and groom then went and bathe themselves after. But cud be different in different families.

vaio you had a traditional hindu wedding? :?

semi traditional sola.... ;)

but i still had to go through the bathing with milk.....

i loveeeeddddddddddd my wedding dress....my daddy bought it for me.....it had an 8ft train.......always had dreams of a wedding dress....and since we had a double ceremony...hindu and christian....it fit right in.....ppl are different so i see no probs with ppl opting to depart with a hindu outfit....

[serenity]

I not on the wedding dress scene either. Gharara and we good to go. Is there any particular significance to the different colours that are worn for different parts of the ceremony? Whey Saps didi?