forgiveness

[SSDD]

do you think that to truley forgive someone you must also forget what they did?
i'm having a real struggle with it right now. i've forgiven the person but i cant forget what they did some days i don't study it but other days i am so pissed the whole situation happened i'm blind with the anger. does this mean i have not forgiven him?

[Sumana]

You can forgive, but you can never forget.
I thought I forgave two people, and I was fine, until it came back up in my mind and I was upset all over again

[sheppy]

Forgive and forget doh apply to any and everything...

Somethings you realize can never be forgotten, but if you don't want the pain and anger to rule your emotion towards the person if you really have forgiven them, you must let it go...
I think it helps if you decide on the repercussions

for instance, if a friend wronged me, maybe they stole something or betrayed me with someone else that was dear to me. I could probably forgive them both, though it may take a while, but our relationship would never be the same. I would never trust them, but i cud say hi...how yuh goin...nice car, horrible traffic, nice weather, would you look at the time, gotta go...and be fine

[Somebody007]

There were many instances where people have wronged me in my life but like all things, you really learn to forgive and forget except for this one instance.....here it is......

I remember I was doing my undergraduate degree in Sociology at a tertiary institution, rite in Trinidad....one of the deputy deans and senior lecturer had a 'crush' on me....above all the gentleman is married with two kids and big (hiding) in religion as well.....

I remember confronting him about this issue a long time ago, I told him that I am not into any same sex relationships, nor am I gay and do not intend to compromise my values in anyway whatsoever.......well the dean decided to take revenge on me for not paying attention to him by pulling down all my grades in the degree programme and ensuring that I graduated at the bottom of the ladder.

It was three years of constant victimisation and torment, eventually some very senior people realised what was taking place....Imagine they ensured that I graduated and 'punished' the dean who was doing me all the wickedness in the world. Today, the man is still there but in a much and a very much less capacity.


I can only relate this story further on email or private message.

[vaio]

once you truly forgive you shld forget....but never forget the lesson which lies therein...

[vaio]

wow...007 that is some scary stuff there...thank god it all worked out in the end.....and that fellow got what he deserved...... :x

[Somebody007]

wow...007 that is some scary stuff there...thank god it all worked out in the end.....and that fellow got what he deserved...... :x


Everything began working out was when I left trini and headed for the UK....that was when the opportunity arose for me to pursue postgraduate studies in the UK.

[vaio]

good for you....i hope that you forgive and forget......it seems that your life has really prospered since huh?

[lexbarker]

Forgiving is easier than forgetting but don't let the forgetting obsess your life.

[vaio]

true talk lex...

[Solachica]

Who says yuh have to forgive?
Never forgive them and then you move on.
I don't think you have to forgive to move on.

[Falcon]

you must treat the person as you would treat them if the 'wrong' didnt happen. Even though you both remember what happened, this is what is called forgive and forget.

[Somebody007]

To be honest with you, forgiving wasn't that easy and even though I have moved on and have prospered. I use to ask God why did this happen as I did nothing to deserve this headache. I have never spoken to that person since graduating but I'd much prefer to wait till I graduate with my Phd to do so....since I will be on the same level with him intellectually speaking....of course, I'm sure it looks embarassing when you decide to throw a person down and that same person, simply got up and started walking again, particularly, being in tuned with my spiritual side and getting tremendous help from God.

[lexbarker]

Who says yuh have to forgive?
Never forgive them and then you move on.
I don't think you have to forgive to move on.
True, but sometimes your life becomes consumed by it and it eventually may lead to destruction.

[SSDD]

thanks all for your responses. it's given a bit more insight into the whole thing. falcon, some days i can be like that we relate as if it neverhappened but some days it's just right there under everything we say and we do and i go through the process of pushing it aside but it dont always work

[lexbarker]

Just remember, if the forgiveness part keeps bothering you, then you have not forgiven.

[Solachica]

True there Lex.

Why some1 who does you wrong deserve to be forgiven?
Forgiveness is overated.

[KFCSpicy]

do you think that to truley forgive someone you must also forget what they did?
i'm having a real struggle with it right now. i've forgiven the person but i cant forget what they did some days i don't study it but other days i am so pissed the whole situation happened i'm blind with the anger. does this mean i have not forgiven him?

Why would u want to forget? Forgetting is the hardest thing to do plus rememberance teaches u and keeps u sharp.

You are describing a very human trait SSDD so fear it not just stay true to your decision to forgive the person. Personally I find it heartwarming that u gave the person another chance. Whatever they did... so stop beating up yuhself and see it for what it is. You were exceptional in forgiving the person. Forgive them father... Forgive us our sins as we forgive those we sin against us and all that...

Move on hun and remember without feeling bad. :)

[peanut]

I forgive easily and forgetting is even easier as I have a tendency to emotionally shut down, go numb and shut the person out as if he/she never existed, and I grow even colder if I think of that person.

[vaio]

sometimes forgiving is sooooo hard to do and even when we finally decide to do it....forgetting is even more difficult....sometimes i remember the hurt and pain...and i realise i truly cannot let of it until i completely forgive...

[SSDD]

lex, the forgiving part isn't the issue it's the forgetting or rather how some ppl say you have not truly forgiven that person unless you forget it.
kfc what you said there is how i always thought of it before you forgive but don't forget cause you'll open yourself to it happeneing again.

[KFCSpicy]

^^^ well hun in reality we can never forget unless we are all born with some steel trap minds that is so disciplined that it can shut down the emotions tied to an incident.

How can one go about forgetting? I mean something traumatic is something I would want to forget but even that never goes away time only dulls the ache u feel, or the anger or feelings of betrayal/resentment. Sooo all I can say is give it time as it will affect you less as it passes by.

[lexbarker]

lex, the forgiving part isn't the issue it's the forgetting or rather how some ppl say you have not truly forgiven that person unless you forget it.
kfc what you said there is how i always thought of it before you forgive but don't forget cause you'll open yourself to it happeneing again.
Use the forgetting as an experience that is put on file. You may not look at it on a regular basis but should pop up when a similar occasion is there.