Where Have All The Good Men Gone?

[bluenote492000]

That is the cry of all the single women I know who want to get married. There seemed to have been some kind of evolution/devolution. Women have cut the apron strings and have become strong, independent career women. When the time finally comes and they are ready to settle down to family life the pickings have been slim to non-existent. Where have all the decent men gone? When did chivalry die? The current crop of men (20s-30s even 40s) leave a lot to be desired. I have a friend whose husband is 52 she’s 27. Her family was shocked when she was dating such an old man. Her reason “He treats me the best.” That simple. Have men today loss all form of manners? Ladies when was the last time a man held a door open for you? Car door, front door, office door, mall door any door at all. I’ve been noting the ages of any guy that holds open a door for me or lets me walk through the door first and it’s usually guys I’d consider fatherly figures 45+. Anything younger and you get different reactions either they don’t hold open the door, or physically push past you to get through the door you just opened. The unmannerliness increases as age decreases. In short, men on the forum can you answer a question that has been plaguing modern women “Where have all the good men gone?”

[serenity]

This is one cry that I cannot relate to. There are good men out there still. I meet them all the time. I suppose it boils down to what your version of a 'good man' is. I have at least four male friends who I consider 'good men' and they're all single and looking for a 'good woman'.

I think girls dont always want good guys. And I firmly agree that good guys do indeed, finish last.

[Falcon]

they ent gone nowhere......

Women in their ultra modern drive to prove that they are competing with men somehow, with their need to 'be better' than men, have so blurred the definitions of chivalry that men no longer have the desire to chance it. I get this mindset everytime I ask the guys at work how come they dont have 'Caribbean manners'. :P

Them say woman will stop and ask you to close the so and so door that they ent need you to open no door for them, what you feel them cant open door for demself? :roll: Ah waiting for some moron to try dat dotishness with me.

[serenity]

:lol:
Maybe dais why I see good guys everywhere. I doh open no door if it have a man right there. And therefore I never had to. Ah lie, there was this one time my hands were full of files and I actually had to ask a guy who was standing there if he would be so kind as to please open the door. Needless to say I was appalled that i even had to ask but an older woman who was standing a little way behind me tell him off good. :lol:

And, as discussed in another thread, I always give the man the opportunity to pay. :mrgreen:

I'm an old-fashioned gal!

[BW]

they ent gone nowhere......

Women in their ultra modern drive to prove that they are competing with men somehow, with their need to 'be better' than men, have so blurred the definitions of chivalry that men no longer have the desire to chance it. I get this mindset everytime I ask the guys at work how come they dont have 'Caribbean manners'. :P

Them say woman will stop and ask you to close the so and so door that they ent need you to open no door for them, what you feel them cant open door for demself? :roll: Ah waiting for some moron to try dat dotishness with me.

Yea, that sounds about right.

These days, I just try to be a 'good guy' all around. If someone looks like they need help with something, I'll offer it (regardless of their gender). I hold doors open and stuff like that, but I do that or everyone.

The whole 'chivalry' thing, though, gets you treated like either a chump or a jerk (and that's by both men and women).

[bluenote492000]

I’m the sort of person who writes lists….. a lot. So whenever I thought about who my ideal guy would be I’d write a list. A girl has to be specific right? So I summed it all up in these few sentences I’ve posted before:

My ideal guy is one whose strength of character is only overshadowed by his compassionate nature. He holds beliefs he won’t compromise on, passions that drive his nature and a sense of integrity that grounds his soul. He loves his mother and children and still sees the good in this sometimes evil world around us. He’s not just a pretty face or money in the back since those are as fickle and fleeting as a July wind. My ideal guy? One who can earn my heart but capture my respect.

I remember telling my perfect man to a few people and they were like “So you want Superman with Clark Kent thrown in.” Or “Gee yuh want to marry the Pope.” Or the usual “Man like that don’t exist or never existed.” But that never made sense to me with there being nothing new under the sun as the Bible says so to me the guy I’m describing has to exist. But for women who are looking for a decent guy, with a job who will mind his kids those men are few and far between. Looking around I’m seeing a lot more single mothers both young and old and then I wonder where are the men?

[snowbird]

When you say 'Good' do you mean as in 'Good for nothing', or 'Good for something' :lol:

Anyway to answer your question, they are all still out there :lol:

and contrary to the alarm set off by that T&T preacher, that due to the crime wave there will be a short supply; ah don't think so. :lol:

[Huma]

I think the first two replies to this thread speak the truth. Glad to see serenity acknowledging the existence of good men despite her status as an old maid.

[Huma]

:lol:

[Solachica]

They are around. Just some people have unrealistic standards or judge a book by its cover.

[sheppy]

Lemme pelt in my two pennies here...

The good men abound ! But they finish last....passed over quickly by women on their way to the players and womanizers and multiple baby daddies...

Let's face it, i find women today looking for 'ready-made' men...the right education, social circles, job, family, etc..(and i not even goin into finances)
Seems sometimes that even the clerks and tellers looking for the CEO's (not that nothing wrong with that per say....guess even cinderella found the prince :? ) but what exactly do women want when they say the 'good men gone' ?

I suggest women take a closer look at the people around....you never know the pimple faced subway sandwich artist cud have a brain and ambition and a kind demeanour and sensitive personality....

[serenity]

I think the first two replies to this thread speak the truth. Glad to see serenity acknowledging the existence of good men despite her status as an old maid.


Hey I'm just an old maid, not a bitter old maid. :lol:

And Sheppy just reinforced my point. Girls say they want certain characteristics...but never like the guy who fits the bill. I'm not saying its the girls fault entirely, its just that sometimes, u gotta give the quiet guy in the corner a chance to talk to u. He may not have all the suave and finesse u dreamed of, but he might be sincere and sweet once u get to know him.

[dhal]

alyuh talkin like if good girls dont come in last too...how many guys lookin 4 a good girl b4 they ready to carry somebody home to mammy??? hardly any...and ive been told that to my face eh...."i eh ready fuh dat yet..i still playin" steups

on that note, is d same guys u no! dey jus different when dey young...moe free an lookin to experience everything...then when dey realize time goin, den dey magically transform into the "good men"....

anyhow...my resolution for 2008 is not to stress over no dumb fella, so off i go.....

[guyguy]

Unfortunately, the feminist movement, which initially sought equal rights with those of men, as it should be, decided that it wasn't enough to fight for those rights but to acquire rights beyond those of men. To this end, they sought to emasculate men not realizing that future generations of men, having been raised to be conscious of "women are the same as men" have resorted to treating women just as they would treat fellow men. Thus, chivalry died. No longer are men holding doors open for women, affording women the respect that were the domain of women past, nor are they even attempting to give any leeway to women in competitive situations.

So, when men and women compete for a job, it's dog eat dog. When women clearly need help with their luggage, they're up the proverbial creek. When women need the flat tire on their cars changed, then call the mechanic - who is usually a man - and pay to have it done.

The irony is that there are many young decent men who are willing and able to perform these "chivalrous" acts, but, having been emasculated and frequently, insulted by women when they do offer to help, are afraid to do so. The situation will only worsen as future generations of men will add to the already dwindling supply of "good men."

I think that it's a man's market today whereby, men are conscious of the fact that many women are indeed Looking for a few good men, and therefore, they are instead holding themselves up as the Grand Prize while simultaneously "playing the field."

It's a sad situation and one that I don't believe will change for a long time to come, if ever.

[BW]

It's a sad situation and one that I don't believe will change for a long time to come, if ever.

Why is it sad?

[guyguy]

It's a sad situation and one that I don't believe will change for a long time to come, if ever.

Why is it sad?
Because I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy and I believe that women, and by extension, mothers, are the salt of the earth. They are to be treated with great respect, afforded the dignity that they deserve and set up on a pedestal.

Besides, who go cook we food, wash we clothes, clean we house, mine we chirren, an arsk "How High" wen we say jomp, eh? :D :D :D

[BW]

It's a sad situation and one that I don't believe will change for a long time to come, if ever.

Why is it sad?
Because I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy and I believe that women, and by extension, mothers, are the salt of the earth. They are to be treated with great respect, afforded the dignity that they deserve and set up on a pedestal.

Besides, who go cook we food, wash we clothes, clean we house, mine we chirren, an arsk "How High" wen we say jomp, eh? :D :D :D

That's discrimination though. Being "old-fashioned" isn't enough justification to keep any social structure around, be it based on gender, race or anything else.

I'm with you, but "those feminists" have a point, and I can't actually find a fault with their argument.

and, ps... I wouldn't use the whole "mothers are the salt of the earth" line here. Some might take offense to that, too. :|

[guyguy]

I agree that those feminists have a point - a valid one at that too, if that point is parity. However, somewhere along the line, parity evolved into superiority which created emasculation. Hence, the limited supply of good men.

I'm not sure why anyone would be offended by my statement that;

women, and by extension, mothers, are the salt of the earth, but if that statement is offensive, I'd like to know why.

Being old-fashioned just happens to be my way of life when it pertains to certain things. Being honest can be considered old-fashioned too. Is that a bad thing? Is that unjustified? How does having certain old-fashioned views and abiding by those precepts impinge upon the social structure? I don't understand. Why would one's penchant to hold women in high regard and esteem be discriminatory? I don't understant that too.

Please elaborate.

[BW]

I agree that those feminists have a point - a valid one at that too, if that point is parity. However, somewhere along the line, parity evolved into superiority which created emasculation. Hence, the limited supply of good men.

I'm not sure why anyone would be offended by my statement that;

women, and by extension, mothers, are the salt of the earth, but if that statement is offensive, I'd like to know why.

Because it's putting a woman's worth primarily in her womb. There's nothing wrong with celebrating motherhood, but the way you put it, it sounds like you ascribe that as being a major value of a woman. Even at best, your post is reinforcing old stereotypes and gender roles, which some women don't want to be constrained by.



Being old-fashioned just happens to be my way of life when it pertains to certain things. Being honest can be considered old-fashioned too. Is that a bad thing? Is that unjustified? How does having certain old-fashioned views and abiding by those precepts impinge upon the social structure? I don't understand. Why would one's penchant to hold women in high regard and esteem be discriminatory? I don't understant that too.

Please elaborate.

Well, I'm saying we shouldn't accept something just because it's old fashioned. There has to be justification (real, reasoned justification) for why we do certain things, and we should be willing to question the values that were handed down to us. To say you'll be "chivalrous" just because that's how it was done in the past... isn't good enough.

Now, if you don't consider this 'discrimination', then how would you describe it? You aren't treating everyone equally, but instead you consider some people differently, simply based on their gender. The feminists have a point here, and I don't know how anyone can argue against it.

[serenity]

Because it's putting a woman's worth primarily in her womb. There's nothing wrong with celebrating motherhood, but the way you put it, it sounds like you ascribe that as being a major value of a woman. Even at best, your post is reinforcing old stereotypes and gender roles, which some women don't want to be constrained by.

This was my exact point which u didnt seem to understand in the 'nearing 30 and manless' thread.


Well, I'm saying we shouldn't accept something just because it's old fashioned. There has to be justification (real, reasoned justification) for why we do certain things, and we should be willing to question the values that were handed down to us. To say you'll be "chivalrous" just because that's how it was done in the past... isn't good enough.

Now, if you don't consider this 'discrimination', then how would you describe it? You aren't treating everyone equally, but instead you consider some people differently, simply based on their gender. The feminists have a point here, and I don't know how anyone can argue against it.

I dont see how chivalry equates to discrimination. Discrimination can have the effect of denying someone their right to something. What is chivalry denying women? Their right to open their own door? There is no malice behind chivalry and its discretionary. It stemming from the difference in gender does not make it a discrimination based on gender.

[Huma]

I'm not sure why anyone would be offended by my statement that;

women, and by extension, mothers, are the salt of the earth, but if that statement is offensive, I'd like to know why.



When you assign a definite role to someone, you also assign restrictions on what they can do or be.

So some religious fundamentalists (and traditionalists) say that they aren't sexist because the role of the mother is crucial and revered. But the other side of that coin is that woman who wants to be anything other than a mother or wife is frowned upon as being deviant. And, of course, she gets little to no respect or accommodation in her other endeavors.

See the Madonna or Whore complex. Yuh either a wholesome, virtuous woman, or a bitch. Nothing inbetween.

There are parallels with the roles prescribed to men as well. And you're exemplifying it perfectly through the use of the term "emasculation".

Also, I don't think women tried to "emasculate" men as much as they tried to point out the simple truth: a lot of men were doing a piss-poor job of managing the roles that society had afforded them. As fathers and leaders particularly, men weren't (and still aren't) doing anywhere as well as they should or could have.

[Huma]

What is chivalry denying women? Their right to open their own door?

Their status as individuals who are capable of taking care of their own business.

You're right about it not being malicious in the minds of those who adhere to it, but neither was the conversion to Christianity of non-white inhabitants of colonized lands a few centuries ago. What those two things share in common is their place in an overall belief that certain people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

It's not something obvious, but taken as piece of the big picture, it's kinda scary.



Chivalry is also the ultimate bargaining chip in sexism, and the main reason you'll actually see anti-feminist, traditionalist women. Women who adhere to their roles are afforded a certain level of protection and reverence within the patriarchy. Nobody gets more love than the fat domesticated mother. Or the virgin waiting for a husband.

It's a harsh analogy, but they're kinda like the good slaves.

Conversely, women who ignore those roles, enter the professional world, don't get married, have sex with whom they want when they want* and don't have children have to be strong enough to weather the storm of discrimination, disregard and disrespect. Not all women want to suffer through that.



*Which is different from being cajoled into bed regularly.

[snowbird]

I dont see how chivalry equates to discrimination. Discrimination can have the effect of denying someone their right to something. What is chivalry denying women? Their right to open their own door? There is no malice behind chivalry and its discretionary. It stemming from the difference in gender does not make it a discrimination based on gender.

Unlike the olden days, in today's day and age the act of chivalry is nothing more than a 'social grace', a way of doing something nice for someone else; much the same way you would thank someone for doing something for you (even though it is say an employee who is simply doing their job, or you mother who for decades have prepared your meals). Trust me, when I give up my seat on public transit to an older person, or a mother with a young child, who are both quite capable of standing, it does not mean that I see them as weak, vulnerable or decrepit; it simply makes me feel good to be able to do something nice for another human being. It is truly sad that we now live in a society that attaches a hidden agenda to anything or everything we do.

[lexbarker]

Good men are still there and there are plenty around. The question is, "Where are the good women."

[Huma]

snowbird, what you talking about there is not chivalry. It's manners.

Chivalry refers to a male-specific group of social graces. It hearkens back to the days of knights and gentlemen, and their treatment of ladies.

You standing up to let your mother sit down is not chivalry.

It's important to know what you're talking about in discussions like these. One piece of misinformation can send the entire talk off course.

[snowbird]

snowbird, what you talking about there is not chivalry. It's manners.

Chivalry refers to a male-specific group of social graces. It hearkens back to the days of knights and gentlemen, and their treatment of ladies.

You standing up to let your mother sit down is not chivalry.

It's important to know what you're talking about in discussions like these. One piece of misinformation can send the entire talk off course.

Thank you for being so gracious is putting the discussion back on track and for dismissing those who have no place in it, especially the ill informed ones; just before I exit the discussion and leave it up to wiser heads who seem to have all the answers and eagerly and politely share them..... all the time.

OK, so isn't chivalry a form of observing good graces and manners. In other words, if a man were to do what I outlined (forget the thank-yous), giving up their seats which is not mandated, is it not a form of chivalry?

[Gagamell]

To the person to started this discussion, all the good men are out in the wilderness searching high and low for a good woman. Where are all the good women? Where are the women from long ago, the ones who fell in love with a man and not a man's money? Where are all the women you knew how to support a man in achieving his goals, rather than sitting back with arms folded waiting to cash in? Where are all the women who use to cook a meal for a man rather than call him at work to tell him pick up a combo special at KFC? :?

[snowbird]

To the person to started this discussion, all the good men are out in the wilderness searching high and low for a good woman. Where are all the good women? Where are the women from long ago, the ones who fell in love with a man and not a man's money? Where are all the women you knew how to support a man in achieving his goals, rather than sitting back with arms folded waiting to cash in? Where are all the women who use to cook a meal for a man rather than call him at work to tell him pick up a combo special at KFC? :?

All taken :lol:

[Huma]

OK, so isn't chivalry a form of observing good graces and manners. In other words, if a man were to do what I outlined (forget the thank-yous), giving up their seats which is not mandated, is it not a form of chivalry?

It could be, but if a woman did it, it wouldn't be.

Chivalry, as I pointed out, is male-specific. The whole "male-specific" aspect is important because we're talking about the attitudes of men to women in a patriarchal context.

So you comparing your good manners to chivalry, and your resulting sadness about hidden agendas, was unfounded. There's a whole different set of standards involved in men acting a certain way in the situation you outlined.

[BW]

Because it's putting a woman's worth primarily in her womb. There's nothing wrong with celebrating motherhood, but the way you put it, it sounds like you ascribe that as being a major value of a woman. Even at best, your post is reinforcing old stereotypes and gender roles, which some women don't want to be constrained by.

This was my exact point which u didnt seem to understand in the 'nearing 30 and manless' thread.


I did understand it, which is why I presented it here. However, I don't think his view (the 'ultra-conservative') is reflective of the majority opinion. He himself notes those views are "old fashioned", and have been eroded from the culture of today.

Also, good work Huma. Very insightful posts.

[serenity]

Chivalry is also the ultimate bargaining chip in sexism, and the main reason you'll actually see anti-feminist, traditionalist women. Women who adhere to their roles are afforded a certain level of protection and reverence within the patriarchy. Nobody gets more love than the fat domesticated mother. Or the virgin waiting for a husband.


I agree that women who opt for a lifestyle that is different from the conventional expectations face pressure and even more so than the traditionalist. I disagree though, that women who stick to the conventional are nec revered. In fact, someone who decides that all she wants to do is stay home and be a full-time mother and wife is also subject to pity. These days women are expected to be it all. And if any aspect of 'all' is missing, something is presumed to be wrong with them. 'She probably waiting for a man to mind she' or 'she too lazy'. How many men want to 'mind' a woman? Men are looking for working partners. But on the flip side of the coin, women cant be so career oriented that they fail in their obligation to get married and bear children...independence is good, but not too much it seems.

Religion has a part to play as well in defining our acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and those who move away from the conventions relating to a woman's sexual behaviour do, certainly fall off the pedestal. But the pedestal isnt high as it used to be, meaning that virginity isnt as valued as it once was. And those that opt to follow the traditional paths, ie virginity, are scoffed at as pretenders -'Dey only playing virgin'; 'What dey trying to prove? Dat dey better than we?'. U only have to listen to the comments (or re-read the virginity thread) to realise that the so-called non-traditional or 'free' woman are still shackled in their minds by the same conventions bec they tend to take other women's choices that are different to theirs, as a personal affront.

As for chivalry, I think the motive behind it is different today than it may have been in the days of knights of the round table. Today, when Guy opens a door for a lady, I dont think he's thinking to himself, she is a member of the weaker sex, or that his respect for her diminishes. It may have started that way, with the big man opening the heavy door for the little, helpless lady but certainly today that is not the case and chivalry shouldnt be knocked in order to empower women. There are too many bigger and more dangerous targets on the list.

[Scorpio]

To the person to started this discussion, all the good men are out in the wilderness searching high and low for a good woman. Where are all the good women? Where are the women from long ago, the ones who fell in love with a man and not a man's money? Where are all the women you knew how to support a man in achieving his goals, rather than sitting back with arms folded waiting to cash in? Where are all the women who use to cook a meal for a man rather than call him at work to tell him pick up a combo special at KFC? :?

Me ent really care if they want to cash in nah, as long as they good looking and fit. Besides, I ent have nutten to cash in anyway.

[Silky]

To the person to started this discussion, all the good men are out in the wilderness searching high and low for a good woman. Where are all the good women? Where are the women from long ago, the ones who fell in love with a man and not a man's money? Where are all the women you knew how to support a man in achieving his goals, rather than sitting back with arms folded waiting to cash in? Where are all the women who use to cook a meal for a man rather than call him at work to tell him pick up a combo special at KFC? :?

All taken :lol:

aye, dat not true! look I here! and I not taken!

So where all d good men at? :lol:

[sheppy]

Good point !
not to derail the thread or anything....but had i not been in a relationship the 'long-term' prospects out there are very frightening....lots of pretty girls...but definately little 'good' ones...

many of them are either seeking to 'find a good man' so desperately they try too hard...or are too busy enjoying life in the fast lane...drinking, smoking and partying harder than ever...or in other words...'independant and loving it'

[bluenote492000]

I am what all guys I know describe as the quintessential good girl. I don’t smoke, don’t cuss or really drink. Definitely not interested in acquiring a stable full of admirers and definitely don’t sleep around. Never cheated on a guy and I’m considered pretty. Driven, ambitious, goal oriented and I have NEVER been interested in the bad boy type. All this means that I have standards about the particular guy I choose to date. Sorry walking erect and breathing just doesn’t do it for me. If all a guy has going for him is the size of his bank account well honey do like Johnny and keep walking since it takes more than that to capture this woman’s attention! Which comes to the issue I have with men right now. Lame as a wet noodle pick up lines don’t work. Sure it probably was cute when you were 15 now it’s just plain sad at 25. The art of conversation having opinions, thoughts and ideas about various issues and being able to discuss them. A man who could mentally stimulate me is sexy. And ambition, Lord few men I’ve met have ambition or passion for something in their life. As a woman I know what qualities I bring to the table I just expect to find those qualities in equal measure.

[Silky]

Ok, I lied! :mrgreen: I'm not a totally good girl, I cuss sometimes. :roll:

But basically most things blue said are true with respect to me too.

Ambition....that's something that I think is very important in a man. If he cannot tell you the path he intends to lead in life, then he's a nowherian. (<<<I spell dat korrect?)

and wrt what sheppy said, some good girls aren't desparately seeking a good man that they try too hard. Some good girls are busy leading their own full lives, not partying away, but actually enjoying themselves in their jobs,social life etc with whatever life has to offer. Yes the good girls want the good men but finding a good man/woman is sometimes a matter of just meeting a person in the right mix of all the other things going on in life.

What does it mean to be actively seeking a good man/woman anyhow?

Like, I tired of people telling me, "girl, find a next man nah". I ent have time to go out and look! Won't he come to me at d right time or is my approach totally wrong? :roll: :? :?: :| :oops: :geek:

[serenity]

Good point !
not to derail the thread or anything....but had i not been in a relationship the 'long-term' prospects out there are very frightening....lots of pretty girls...but definately little 'good' ones...



What are complaining about? U found one, didnt u? Well, where there's one, I'm sure there are others. Rest assured, U didnt get the last one on the shelf. :lol:
Just as there are good men out there still, the same applies to girls. Men though, have such a wide range of definitions of 'good girls'. A fella once ask meh if I could make a good cup of coffee and roti, otherwise it eh make sense dating. :lol:

[sheppy]

bwhahahaha....good cup of coffee eh?

anyway...blue u sound like a decent woman...but in my opinion u rare...or maybe u too busy to be in circulation...so all it have is a batch of these woman dat the 'good guys' hadda settle for

[snowbird]

A fella once ask meh if I could make a good cup of coffee and roti, otherwise it eh make sense dating. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: Did you ask him if he is shopping for a new mother?

[Solachica]

People are quick to judge others on outward appearances. So the good men and women are there but some are not given a second look. 8-)

I've also seen where the 'bad' men and women when they are ready to settle down then they take notice of the good guy or gurl becos it's someone who they wud want to take home to their parents. 8-)

Going into a relationship some people expect to much. First gurl or guy you date you done thinking abt marriage after 2 mths? :? Sometimes the good guy or gurls thinks to much of themselves and scare people away.

Many people have a, I am better than you attitude and tht also scares people away from approaching them. So if you arent approachable then to bad for you. 8-)

[serenity]

A fella once ask meh if I could make a good cup of coffee and roti, otherwise it eh make sense dating. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: Did you ask him if he is shopping for a new mother?

:lol: Nah, ah tell him I could make real good coffee but cant cook nothing but dhal, rice and tomatoes choka. So he started learning to cook and we started dating. :lol:

Good points Sola.

[sheppy]

wait after all a dat talk...yuh still date d man? :shock:

i realize i will never understand women :roll:

[serenity]

Oh geez sheppy, clearly there was more to him than that lame joke. :lol:

And u, being the author of many a lame joke on this forum could understand very well how that works. ;) :twisted:

[strombo23]

lots of my local female trini friends tell me about how hard it is to find a good guy in TnT. the reason for this is that guys embrace the dating field in tnt. even tho they are in a relationship. playa mode kicks in. casue they can get more than one woman at a time.
i had one particular friend tell me that she has noticed that guys who live outside of tnt, are more serious about dating a trini woman then local trini men. They are more serious about doing all the necessary things that would make the relationship work. sadly, when he came back to tnt to live. all that changed. so, d good men gone bad due to all d sweet omans dem living in tnt. :lol:
whats the trend now? go young. bring em up right.

[sheppy]

yup...that's the thing....the 'apparent' good man shortage is creating playas...

the age old supply and demand informs the status quo

[serenity]

I found them!!

Listen up girls, they're at the Mon Repos roundabout buying doubles.

I swear, I have never seen so many cute, well-mannered, pleasant and seemingly monied guys in one place.

I was there this morning in my car waiting for some engineers to take me on a site visit for about 40 mins. And there were handsome guys in all description of pretty cars, well-dressed or in overalls, stopping to buy and eat doubles (which mean yuh may not need to cook breakfast).

They parked their cars and smiled pleasantly as they passed. Some even ventured a shy 'good morning'. And so cute! I forgot to check for wedding rings but I'm sure some among them will be single. Such nice fellas!

South is the place to get the fellas ladies. Nice nice guys.
Even the engineers who eventually showed up were pretty decent.

[sheppy]

ummmm....roight.... :?

next ting u go tell me d good girls by chaguanas flyover sellin paw paw and sweet pepper...
well mannered and shy smiles in coveralls?...Serenity what ever drugs u on...be kind and pass some my way...

[guyguy]

ummmm....roight.... :?

next ting u go tell me d good girls by chaguanas flyover sellin paw paw and sweet pepper...
well mannered and shy smiles in coveralls?...Serenity what ever drugs u on...be kind and pass some my way...
Nah! All de rell good girls does be in Debe. Chaguanas gyuls an dem too brite.

[serenity]

ummmm....roight.... :?

next ting u go tell me d good girls by chaguanas flyover sellin paw paw and sweet pepper...
well mannered and shy smiles in coveralls?...Serenity what ever drugs u on...be kind and pass some my way...


No Shep, u had to see it to believe it. I swear it was the most shocking thing! There must be a modeling agency nearby or something where they worked. They were cute, without the attitude of north fellas. Most of them who passed the car at least smiled in acknowledgment. Up north they'd be too busy jumping the line, or scoping out yuh bottom. Come on, we gonna be liming down south from now on. Ummm... where ppl does go to lime down south?

Oho, and another thing. Anybody here from Palmiste? Nice area man. I love allyuh park. Pretty.

[strombo23]

yuh know, realllllllllllllllllll ppl tellin me south is d place where all dem nice woman iz. pretty pretty gyul to marry and have a family with. north girls like too much party and spend money. North have too much "Western Culture" influences. Take it from a Eastern Northie.

[serenity]

yuh know, realllllllllllllllllll ppl tellin me south is d place where all dem nice woman iz. pretty pretty gyul to marry and have a family with. north girls like too much party and spend money. North have too much "Western Culture" influences. Take it from a Eastern Northie.

Buh wha de...!
I is a 'pretty gyul to marry' eh!
And I from north. :|
Me eh know bout 'western culture influences.' Dat have anything to do with being able to cook?

Back to Where Have All the Good Men Gone.... :ugeek:

[KFCSpicy]

yawnnn...men are mostly losers or should i say most men can be losers? either way yuh get meh bitter betty points.

I tired with men never knowing what they want cause they think as soon as they settle wid jane somebody better go pass and they go lorse out.

I reach the point in my life/world whereby I want a man to hold me give me that security I crave cause I realise I can't do it all sometimes. I want to come home and hear babes, I'll handle dat doh worry! It seems I have to be doing that giving and receiving lately too. I like my bf but he is not Mr Right but he is a step up from all the foolishness of my youth and until Mr Right pass meh and pass my lil tests of respecting me, loving me even when I wake up and looking like Shrek and behaving less than serene, have somethings in common with me but retains his own individuality. I want strength when I have no more to give. I want great mindblowing sex...I want financial security not necessarily wealth, that comes from a man saying we can make that man doh worry. I want companionship, a friend to laugh with and someone who understands that there are days when he gets on my last damn nerve but ah still love him.

I get some of that from mr stability bf right now and some from my ex. Hence it was so hard to break up with bf 2 and do the right thing by mr stability.

Good men? They are all the same they just choose whom to bestow their goodness and greatness onto. Sometimes we women win that lotto ticket and sometimes we don't. I am tired of doing de picka pan dance for a mate so I sat down and assessed my needs and who was in my life that fulfilled most of them. BF of present won...after all it has been 4 and some years of playing de animal wid de long ears together.

Good women? I am one but do men see past my looks? my assertiveness? my raw sense of humour? To even find out that I cry for most movies endings, that I love reading books, that i love to laugh till my tummy hurt, that i can count past 22? That I can hold a conversation and even though I am fiercely arguing a point I am willing to concede and learn cause I think I come out better than when I went into it?

No! not many men do.

So until I find him... I go do being alone yet in a relationship.

[serenity]

Very candid post KFC.

I wonder though, while listing the stuff u want men to look past to see the 'real' u, how many things u are willing to look past. I think this was covered in previous posts but I honestly believe that the good guys are out there - is just they dont always seem to fit the image of what a good guy is supposed to look like or sound like and so they too get bypassed.

Perhaps u should show the 'real' u more often, so they dont have to dig too deep to find it. By always being assertive and portraying a strong image, u might be giving off the impression that u dont need certain things that u do. Men are strange in that they still need to be your knight to the rescue. They need to feel needed. And when u come across as if u have your business in order and u dont need them, then they move on looking for someone who does - someone who they think, would appreciate them.

And the ones that do stay with u, are the ones who couldnt care less about a damsel in distress, bec they dont wanna play no knight. The fact that u could handle your story is great for them bec then the pressure is off them. They dont need to bring anything to the relationship bec u got it all covered. That's why its u doing all the giving in your present relationship.

I know u eh ask me, and its certainly not my business, but I think u are a good woman and do deserve much more than what u seem to be getting. So, dont settle, and dont carry around no more dead weight.

Relax and show your vulnerabilities once in a while. U dont have to sacrifice who u are. And u'll get your knight at heart who will be willing to do what it takes to keep his lady happy. Bec he'll see u as a lady.

[KFCSpicy]

Been there done that and your views are most welcomed Serenity. I think if a man is truly for you, you won't have to have any hidden qualities, given time he will see them and get to love you inspite of or because of these said qualities. As I have said I have moved on from liking only men "who does glow in de dark" yes I was dat shallow... 8-)

I also used make them measure their penises too and ask them outright if they go down town (wink wink) if they fail in those two departments then is so long farewell, auf weidesin goodbye... ;)

Now I have been through the ups and downs with bf 1 and after four years he has come to be that man that I want, there is some confusion yes cause I still want the things of old but bad habits are always the hardest to give up. He still has to prove himself further and he may or may not but that's the future and right now I am blessed to have today.

I know a lot of unhappy couples and single women who pretend to be happy or are desperately seeking Steve the Perfect.... so I know I am far ahead of my game by at least seeing and identifying all that is good in my man and that he/we have some potential to grow into two stronger people with each other. I believe in starting from scratch and building up to an orgasmic crescendo of 40 or so years with one man, one piggy leeks and feeling that love and respect both earned...both ways!

There is no quick perfect way to Love and Loving. So I willing to work at it...believe me along the way I will be a better woman for it he will benefit (and maybe a few others if he lacking in de bedroom department :twisted: ) so I go hold strain. When I am in bed with BF he hugs me up and wraps me up with him and that's something that in part is keeps me loving the man. He shows his willingness to go the distance by going at odds with what I would expect from him and to me that is a mini sacrifice on his part. So how could I not reward him with my respect and stay and go the extra mile also?

See men...how simple it can be? Gimmeh some food, shoes, money to do meh hair and is reallllllllllllllllllllllllll love for life yuh getting. ;) :?

[sheppy]

umm serenity..dat is cuss yuh post up dey? or yuh change yuh mind about d post?


i listening to u women talk about what u want from a man...and how hard these men are to find...but i think we should (man an woman alike) try to understand that we all come into this game (of dating) with our own preconceived notions...
I think that if women and men understood individually what each other wanted...and they were willing to do the work...just about any man and woman cud be 'mr and ms perfect'
It is an attitude u looking for someone who can satisfy your needs...
when you wit a woman, talk to her..find out her needs...for a woman i've discoverd they are:
Communication,
Openness and Honesty
Affection (not necessarily sex)
Financial security (not dependancy)

for a man they usually are
Sex,
Good looks
Companionship (someone they can enjoy their hobbies with)
Understanding


the thing is these needs usually conflict with each other...man wants sex..woman wants affection...so the man demands sex and the woman just wants to cuddle...when if the man spent the time to cuddle he prolly wuddn't have to demand sex..and they both happy...

anyway...my point is...the good guys are out there..even hiding behind bad guys...
men an women, stop looking for ready made nuh...enjoy d journey

[Solachica]

men an women, stop looking for ready made nuh...enjoy d journey
True.
When people realise this then most things falls into place.
Also they must stop trying to change people. If they want to change they wud. But don't go in thinking you cud change them.