Rejection After Being Led On

[Scorpio]

You make your feelings for someone known bec you felt the person was showing interest in you, but you're surprised when their response is that they don't feel the same way about you, the person is just not interested :o !!!!

How do you put that behind you ? How do you get closure ? How do you deal with the anger of feeling led on ? How do you get obver that and move on ?

[Solachica]

Tell them wht you think abt them and move :arrow:
No sense staying where you are not wanted and to be used.

[Scorpio]

^^ Solachica, I see you reach 100 posts, congrats !!!

This thread is not about me, but it is about a good friend who made a serious mistake liking this person and holding on to every little "sign" that the person may be interested, even in the face of clear evidence that there was no interested.

I just hope she gets over it on her own, bec I really don't know how to help her, and she's starting to channel some of her hurt and anger into the wrong places.

Sigh, why can't life be simpler ?

[Solachica]

Thank you :D

Why can't relationships be simpler :|

I hope she gets over it too...but something like tht leaves a person emotionally scared no matter if you refuse to admit it.
If you are a close friend I hope you pointed it out to her so at least she wud know and can't say she didn't but it wud be her decision if and when she is ready.

[sheppy]

well i dunno if that person was led on or they just misread the 'signals' they thought they were getting....

but u know the saying...have no expectations ....feel no disappointment...

[serenity]

This thing about making feelings known....
I had a friend who did the same thing, read too much into every move the guy make and every word he said. And decided to tell him how she feels despite my pleas to leave it be. Well yes! Needless to say, there were plenty drunken girls limes after to help her get over that rejection. Why do some girls feel they must do that? If the fella is interested he'll make more overt moves to spend time with u and get to know u. Why u feel u gotta help him out by putting yourself out there and hoping against hope. Please.

[Scorpio]

This thing about making feelings known....
I had a friend who did the same thing, read too much into every move the guy make and every word he said. And decided to tell him how she feels despite my pleas to leave it be. Well yes! Needless to say, there were plenty drunken girls limes after to help her get over that rejection. Why do some girls feel they must do that? If the fella is interested he'll make more overt moves to spend time with u and get to know u. Why u feel u gotta help him out by putting yourself out there and hoping against hope. Please.


You this is the same thing that happened to me, except that the girl ended up crying on my shoulders literally, even though I had been telling her for weeks, the guy was just not interested. I thought she had got it, imagine my surprise when she made her move and ended up devastated !!

Weirdly she's mad at me now bec, when she started blaming the guy for leading her on, I told her the harsh truth..HE DID NOT !!!!

What am I supposed to do ? Lie just to make her feel good ?

[serenity]

Your response would depend on how old she is and what kinda relationship experiences she's had. I was sympathetic and reassuring to my friend bec she realised she made a mistake and was just mortified at how it backfired. Here's the shocker though,...she did it again! with another guy of course. Second time around it was a tough love scenario with me - grow up! Though I think the second time around she really was led on....

[Solachica]

You know plenty people take advantage of the fact tht they know you really into them.
Where did tht old saying come from to marry the one who loves you and not necessiarily who you love...or something so it goes. :?

[Scorpio]

This girl older than me and she really needs to get a grip, not everybody who you like going to like you back, and if you make a move on somebody, yuh have to be willing to accept the possibility that your overture will be rejected.

My opinion is that the guy in this case rejected the girl bec of his own lack of self esteem, as in my other thread which was also inspired by this story.

[lexbarker]

Life and happiness is about you and not about him. Don't let him determine your path in life. Take control.

[sheppy]

So Serenity...why woman must have all the power?? if a girl likes a guy...she cud tell him...
why she hadda wait till d guy bring her flowers and chase her down like a bandit on fredrick street?

I

[serenity]

Sheppy,
I a lil unclear on your point - u say why woman have all the power and then talk about women waiting on the man to make the first move...seems contradictory...

Its not that I dont think a girl should make the first move. Of course she can ask the guy out or do the other liberal stuff like paying for dates etc if she feels so inclined. You dont really hear guys coming out with a big dramatic declaration of 'feelings' unless they pretty sure its reciprocated. So why some women feel the need to do that is beyond me. Subtlety is so much classier.

[sheppy]

Well i understood your post to mean that the natural order dictates the woman is chased..and the man is the chaser...
thx fuh d clarification tho...

Men usually do not come out with big revelations...cuz most of them are not very good at emoting feelings verbally ....this can be attributed to years of repression and 'the man code' which we will not talk about now lol...

Either way, if the woman feels like she needs to know...now (as they usually do) what's wrong with coming out and saying s'thing...ofcourse the guy should be gracious(especially if the feeling is not mutual) and use the opportunity to let the girl know his feelings/intentions...

[serenity]

There's a difference in wanting to know how the other person feels when there is already a connection/relationship. But when you're at the stage of mere acquaintenceship and casual liming, what's the point of wanting to know now now in this very direct manner which will make it difficult for u to save face if things do not go your way? I figure if a guy likes you, you'll know, or at least a friend will recognise the signs and tell u. If u dont know for sure, and u NEED to find out, then find out in a round-about way. Confrontation is awkward and unnec. Play it with finesse man! 8-)

[sheppy]

ok i hear yuh

so what is being led on by the man?
Is it that he fools the girl into thinking they are in a relationship...or gives the girl the impression that he wants a relationship... or both..

[dhal]

sheppy, its both i think...


but what abt when yuh start off strong...goin out...talkin plenty...meeting he padnas, he meetin yours an ting...and next thing, 2 weeks dwn d road, he realize dat he "doh want a serious relationship right now"? dat happen to me once...was real hard to deal with...

[Scorpio]

sheppy, its both i think...


but what abt when yuh start off strong...goin out...talkin plenty...meeting he padnas, he meetin yours an ting...and next thing, 2 weeks dwn d road, he realize dat he "doh want a serious relationship right now"? dat happen to me once...was real hard to deal with...


Dhal, at least he was honest and told you de truth, not all fellas does do that.

[dhal]

daz what i say too...

[Somebody007]

Ah seeing alot of these type of threads starting up on the social relations board.....like people experiencing ah case of sour grapes or what.

[KFCSpicy]

What am I supposed to do ? Lie just to make her feel good ?[/quote]

As a friend sometimes the friendly thing is to lie to the person Scorps. She still would have gone and done what she wanted so in the end u hurt her just like he did.

I doh like telling grown folks who to like i had years of arrogantly telling my friends about their men or women and strangely enuff the men listened and the women were rebellious as hell. Needless to say I get little pleasure from the aftermath. Crying, self loathing, self pity from these lady friends of mine and I cyah help but point out that yuh had ample time to walk away cause i told u so but not only that...you knew deep down in yuhself that the man eh want yuh but for ....(insert selfish male needs here) so why pretend that it's all a big suprise now?

[Scorpio]

As a friend sometimes the friendly thing is to lie to the person Scorps. She still would have gone and done what she wanted so in the end u hurt her just like he did.

You are so right, K, sometimes I think i have so much to learn..... ;)

[KFCSpicy]

I learnt by experience hun...this lady has made sooooooooooo many errors in her life. But what's the point of going thru hell, getting thru hell and then nooooooooooobody eh learning from your hell as a result? Then that minimalises the hell and trivialises it too.

I think Sheppy it's when a man let's you think that he wants a relationship...that's what being led on is about for me. Men lie in so many ways, and the worst one is by omission. If u OMIT to tell me from the word go that u eh want dat from me and then allow me the choice to walk away and thereby save face now or prevent me from having any expectations then u are a rat basstid. I believe in being given the choice to choose to be yuh thing on de side, or yuh booty call or yuh woman. When you lie to me u take away all of my choices by leading me down the wrong path. I am not saying that I won't be able to pick sense from nonsense but you as the other party must also take responsibility for your inaction.

Men/Women need to say what the want and expect up front from the time things look serious. Then let everyone make their choices.

[Scorpio]

The problem with, K, is sometimes people don't always know what they want upfront.

[serenity]

Not knowing what u want is another thing.
If u dont know but acting like u do want a relationship and this thing serious then u leading them on.
If u dont know but the other person giving off the serious relationship vibe and u dont correct them or tell them where you're at but encoourage them to think that u feeling the same way, then u leading them on.

[dhal]

but how late is too late? cuz some ppl fall fast....

[peanut]

I have been there very recently. I will admit it is a challenge to move on especially when your feelings for this person go very deep. The key is to face it as you have with everything else ... one thought and one day at a time.

Recently I began praying for the person each time I think of him and it is working.

[KFCSpicy]

Well I am the worst on here I does just go with the flow. Life too short!