Change...is it Good or Not....

[vaio]

Are you the same person you were before you got into a relationship......did you have to change anything.....and it is good or not. :?:

[bluenote492000]

I think I’m the same person when I’m in a relationship I just learn to compromise more and accept the weird quirks of the guy I’m with. However I don’t think changing who you inherently are is healthy for any relationship since you can only maintain the guise for so long. When the mask slips would the person still love you or the image you created? Why bother to create such a stressful situation? I remember watching an episode of the Tyra Banks show and she was talking about when she is dating someone new and it comes to the point where you spend the night with him she sleeps with all her makeup on since she wants the guy to see that she wakes up like a supermodel because the moment of reckoning is going to come when she washes off the makeup and he sees reality. Creating false expectations is never a good thing.

[brag]

You often hear people say, "but he went away for so long, and he en't change" as if that is a good thing. Change is a must. All is constantly changing right before our very eyes, and it is a good thing. Let us hope that change is always positive, and always ascending to a higher level of consciousness, but patience is required when it is not.

[Solachica]

I changed for the better.
And I've learnt to consider another person in my thinking.

[KFCSpicy]

Change like everything else can be measured in bad or good.

For me being in relationship 4, 987 :D I have hopefully learned to not beat up the lil man and thing :D

Seriously though...I broke up with BF who I met online...lust and like a lot is not love and support and comraderie. BF who is the DJ is superbly better at all those things in the sense that he can simply provide it. Also a deciding factor for me is I put on weight in the past year and bf 2 said he eh like it one bit bf 1 said ...weight? where? yuh look de same to me hun..sexy! :) So yuh know I had to go with the man that care enuff to lie.

But I have changed cause I think about his needs too whereas before I was hell bent on not giving into the other person just because I didnt want to be perceived as weak. I love being in a relationship just not a bad one.

Living abroad has changed my outlook on a lot of things and helped me realise many more so yes I have changed and sadly cannot fit back into the Trinidad Society that I was from.

[brag]

Communicating through this medium has caused me to reflect on many communication patterns and styles, and the feed back I received enabled me to make important changes.

[vaio]

well i pondered on this question some time last week while starin at my glow in the dark moon and stars on my ceiling.... :P

i think that change is good...and that we need to change to accommodate the other person...being single you'd do things a certain way and when you get into a relationship you need to consider the other person and do things a different way...like learnin to share....when you are accustomed to eatin all :D ...and it can go deeper.... :ugeek:

[Mivo]

Change is always good, but it not so easy when you have to make a decision on chaning careers or relationships

[Silky]

I've changed because of how my last relationship ended. I'm less gullible and more wary. This change is good because when I start dating again, I would be more careful and wiser.

[guyguy]

Are you the same person you were before you got into a relationship......did you have to change anything.....and it is good or not. :?:
Of course I was not the same person prior to my relationship. My focus changed from me, me , me to her, her, her. My entire lifestyle changed. Some things were good - not having to spend as much money as I used to spend, easy sex , not wanting to have sex with other women, a sense of security and 'safety' in having and caring for one woman - while others were bad, such as, not being 'free' to lime with the boys whenever I wanted, not knowing if I'd be dumped for another man, i.e. a sense of uncertainty, constantly worrying about her welfare, that sort of thing.

[dancerboy]

Change is good; if we are talking about political changes, economic changes, even religous changes, etc, but changing one's personality to accomodate another is NEVER GOOD. I treat people the way i want to be treated. That goes for everybody, freind, co-worker, lover, etc. This is my third marriage, and i am blessed to have found one of the few women who is willing to accept me as i am; and i have accepted her as she is. No airs, very down to earth. Once you start making personality changes, then when you try being yourself, your partner wants to know 'WHAPPEN'. IF YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CANNOT ACCEPT EACH OTHER AS YOU ARE, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON. I do not mean that you must continue hanginig out with the boys, or girls every nite, that's inconsiderate. But if you love dancing and your partner doesn,t, you do not stop dancing , you compromise. When my wife met me she told a girl friend from arouca, that she met a man from curepe, who hangs out on LONG ISLAND. She described me to her friend, and sure enough, her friend said i think i know him, we went to osmond high school together. I am saying that to say, i am the same person today as i was when i was going to high school. I hadn't seen that lady in years, now we are better friends, and my wife has never in any way feel threatened by our renewed friendship.
Remember , IF U AND YOUR PARTNER NEED FOR EACH OTHER, EXCEEDS YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER, your relationship is doomed.

DANCERBOY

[strombo23]

I don't like change. But, some nice surprises do sometimes come with it. Learning and growing. With respect to relationships, I think I have become more tuned to what I really like and want. But all of this is the anti-change. Que cerra, cerra.

[Scorpio]

Not in a relationship anymore (be quiet K), so no change here...back to being the confirmed bachelor. ;)

[Solachica]

I know a feller who changing himself as time goes by in the relationship. He's not being himself.
He told me they want to get married this year. I think if they do then when married and living together he wud get fed up of having to keep up a pretense and trouble wud start when he wife ent getting her way anymore.

[vaio]

Not in a relationship anymore (be quiet K), so no change here...back to being the confirmed bachelor. ;)

well then.... i bess put back the clothes i got out for that maybe wedding then.... :?

[vaio]

I know a feller who changing himself as time goes by in the relationship. He's not being himself.
He told me they want to get married this year. I think if they do then when married and living together he wud get fed up of having to keep up a pretense and trouble wud start when he wife ent getting her way anymore.

i have a friend who is married and is like that...the marriage is like a tickin time bomb...just waitin to explode... :|

[KFCSpicy]

I think we all know someone like that.

My friend she made sure that she was the girlfriend that her bf needed and could not live without. He married her and she is the triumphant one cause it was her goal in the first place. She even started to read books about Chinese WOmen in history because he is half Chinese and half Italian and his mom is a hater so she even won the moms over.

So who really losing out there in this situation?

[oecarb]

Are you the same person you were before you got into a relationship......did you have to change anything.....and it is good or not. :?:

After 38 years of marriage, if my mother came back tomorrow, I doubt she would even recognise me.

[vaio]

^^^lol

the more important question is...do you recognise yourself oecarb???

[Solachica]

Yea plenty of timebombs around.

[Scorpio]

Not in a relationship anymore (be quiet K), so no change here...back to being the confirmed bachelor. ;)

well then.... i bess put back the clothes i got out for that maybe wedding then.... :?


That would be a good idea vaio.. :evil:

[sapodila]

Please Vaio, don't ever try to change the person you ARE to PLEASE anyone else. Changes comes along as a person matures. Positive changes are the results of lifes lessons. We all are the pavers of our parts. We all have choices. Whilst some of us choose wisely, some of us don't. Positive changes is a good thing.

[KFCSpicy]

Scorps yuh is a serial dating person ah wah? :shock: Like ah feel yuh doing dem Alphabethically

[letric]

According to Michael Argyle (1972)
People do not clearly reveal nor commit themselves to what
they think of each other Once we start using language to communicate our attitude to another
person then we are publicly committed to what we have said and therefore accountable. 'You said
you loved' would be a perfectly reasonable retort. 'You acted liked you loved me, there was
something momentary in your eyes' is much weaker somehow. Clearly body language has some
advantages when it comes to communication of emotion and interpersonal attitudes.

[Wayne]

Change is good,because if you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.